


the art of sausage puns;

by bloodynargles



Series: fourteen days of valentines 2015; [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/M, Gen, neeeeeeeeeeeeerds, wash PL EA S E
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 14:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3294194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodynargles/pseuds/bloodynargles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will the sausage puns ever end? Oh, hell no.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the art of sausage puns;

**Author's Note:**

> how many puns does north set himself up for? guess now or forever hold ur peace

Maybe if she runs then the world would go a little faster, her head a little slower as it impacts the wall to her right, the radio fizzling out and she doesn't have enough breath or really, the ability to call out for help. What she _does_ have, is blood trickling down her temple, sticky and dripping down her eyelid as she slides down said wall, the enemy seemingly thinking she was dead. Which, she had to admit, was the stupidest thing, ever. Of all time. Nu is mumbling in her head, trying to fix her radio or establish contact with another agent- who knows, one of the two. Maybe he'll get it done before either a, someone comes back to finish the job or b, some asshole decides she's been away for too long and comes to investigate. Mu guesses the latter and she wants to know why her AI are more like her than she is.

 

There's static in her ears when she comes to, the darkness seeping away from her eyes and she's staring at the ceiling. Someone's kicking her to see if she's alive and her head is _pounding_. The static comes back and Nu explains it as him trying to patch her back onto the line, but someone keeps talking and it messes him up. “Alright. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. For the love of the Dakotas.” It stops and Arizona wants to bet it was York. “Ari- Where _are_ you?” Her eyes move to the side of her, but there's not really any landmarks that would be considered alarming, so who knew at this point. “I don't fucking know, North.” “Well, did you go right or left? Past any signs? How abou-” “I have a concussion, at least. My head was slammed into a wall, I don't fucking _know_ , Dakota.” The purple one sighs before two more voices cut in, presumably Wash and the sausage stealer himself, York. “What's going on? Did you find her?” “Nah, they're having a domestic. Its pretty funny actually. I mean, not the watching North going around in circles for the past twenty minutes but the 'how quickly can Arie shut him up'.” “Hey, I know your eye is fucked, but do you want a bullet hole, too?” More like how quickly can she shut _everyone_ up.

 

She kind of wants to say that North didn't walk her to the med bay and sit with her while they cleaned up her head, kind of wants to say that he _didn't_ stare at her with a disapproving look the whole time, well what she could see of his face through the blurriness that seemed to set in after they had gotten on the pelican. Really _cannot wait_ until she has to explain the whole thing to the director, because god knows he'll want to fucking know everything that she can't fucking _remember_. “At least I didn't die.....?” His helmet is off, and he looks up at her from his hands with an expression she _really_ wasn't expecting. “You could have, though.” He's quiet, voice lower than she's ever heard it and if she could move without her head spinning she'd hug him and never let go. She reaches out an arm and threads her fingers through his hair, tugging at it softly to get his attention, his eyes watching her every move anyway. “You really think I'd go out that easy, hmm? I don't have a goddamn leg, North. That didn't stop me and some idiot who slams my head into a wall while I’m in Spartan armour isn't going to, either. I mean, who walks away? Who trained that kid, seriously.” A breathy laugh comes from him, and she slaps the side of his head gently, “-and anyway, why would I leave you alone in this shithole?” “I think you're only here to take all of the sausages.” “Yours, too.” He really set himself up for that one.

 

He's pushing a small box at her from the other side of the lunch table and the obvious look on Wash's face is everything you think it would be. South has turned to look at them from the next table over, mid chew and wide eyed, while Wyoming is staring at them from over the top of his data pad. She really fucking hopes that this _isn't_ what they all think it is. North's not giving anything away, either. He's just watching her reaction as she pokes the box, pulling it towards her with one finger and opening it slowly, wanting to breathe a sigh of relief at the contents, but maybe she'd just fuck with them a little more. “ _Oh_.” Maine's head turns towards Wash as whatever he was eating falls out of his hand, the kid too excited for his own good at the prospect of something that would _never_ happen. She drags out the suspense enough for North to have caught onto what she was doing, and kick her under the table, breaking her moment and causing her to snort at the others. “You fucking idiots.” There's a mumble of I hate you from South's general direction and she's pretty smug with herself as she pulls the sausage pin from the box before reaching over and attaching it to North's under suit. “Thanks for bringing me your sausage, North.” She says it with a wink and the groan from York behind him is the greatest thing she's heard all week. “I don't think I ever want to eat them again. Ever.” North has his head in his hands, blue eyes peeking out at her through the gaps in his fingers, shaking his head. “That's not... Oh christ.” She knocks his foot with hers and he looks back up at her from closing his eyes again, the smile on her face proving infectious. Will the sausage puns ever end? Oh, hell no.

 

**Author's Note:**

> noW IM ONLY TWO BEHIND EEEY


End file.
